A & R Guy

Cindy calls me up,
Says "You gotta see this band!
They're on at ten thirty,
In the back room of the Grand",
The place is half full,
Of people three parts drunk,
Four ugly kids,
On the stage playing punk,
Singer looks like Gaga,
Got a tattoo on her face,
There's a muppet playing lead,
And another one on bass,
Cindy's freakin' out,
Screamin' "These guys are for real!!"
So I sign them on the spot,
To a two record deal.

First album sells,
But the second one bombs,
So we book a US tour,
And then it *really* goes wrong,
There's a gig in Dallas, Texas,
Where it all hits the fan,
PA's booked for Houston,
The Guitars are in Japan,
There's no Bourbon on the rider,
But that's not the real bummer,
The singer's unconcious,
And we can't find the drummer,
He shows up on Twitter,
Posing in his birthday suit,
In a cheap hotel in Vegas,
With an Asian prostitute.

We get them on stage,
But the singer starts a fight,
The bass bins catch on fire,
And then that takes out the lights,
The band spilts up,
But they soon reform again,
We release a live album,
And it makes the top ten,
The bassist overdoses,
And that really helps sales,
The drummer marries Miku,
Then they bugger off to Wales,
The singer goes solo,
And I'm not being funny,
But she's still under contract,
So I'm still making money.

I get home at last,
Bills piled on the mat,
I left the landing light on,
And I can't find the cat,
Make my way upstairs,
Where I fall onto the bed,
Try to shut my eyes,
Clamp a pillow to my head,
You gotta stay the distance,
Or you won't get very far,
In the dog-eat-dog world,
Of major label A & R,
Cindy calls me up,
And she's sounding pretty wired,
I say "You better go without me babe,
I'm really f**king tired".

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